Why it is so hard
Because it is a profoundly isolated role.
Your pain is unseen.
Your emotions are kept secret.
No one asks you what is happening inside you.
"The other person" is always judged.
Has the label: home wrecker
A lot of guilt.
A lot of shame.
What you are really experiencing
This is, perhaps, the most addictive role of all three. Because here fantasy intervenes. And nothing is more powerful than that: "what if", which never happens to the end. It all starts from your emotional brain:
intermittent rewards: you receive a little, then nothing, then a little more and you attach more strongly
fantasy - you live in "what if", not in reality
longing - longing grows when you receive nothing
lack of control over the relationship - the exact ingredient that intensifies addiction
the promise of a possible future — one that never happens, but keeps you there
Why I understand this role so well
Because here I was most hurt too. Here I felt:
that I cannot breathe
that I cannot speak
that I am not allowed to feel what I feel
that I am caught between worlds
that I no longer have room in my own life
What we can work on together
Why you entered the story
How emotional addiction works at the brain level
How we separate fantasy from reality
How you regain your boundaries
How you get out of the “little – nothing – little” cycle
How you return to yourself
How you rebuild your self-esteem
The first 30 days of working with me
In the first month, the most important changes appear:
shame decreases
addiction decreases
you begin to see the dynamic clearly
self-respect returns
you no longer feel caught between worlds
you begin to breathe again